I feel like I write a lot about my weakness on here and on Facebook, and although it may seem to myself that I am weak, that is okay. The weaker and “smaller” I realize myself to be, the more He can be in and through me. That’s a gift. I wonder lately for the strong, the truly talented, do they see Him in them? Maybe they are so strong because He is working in them. That is not for me to judge, I may never know for sure and that’s ok. We must all have our weaknesses even the “greatest”, an opportunity for His greatness to show. He’s the giver of all our gifts and talents anyways.
There may have been a time when because of my lack of perfectionism (what I thought to be “greatness”), I wanted to stay there and embrace it, thinking it’s ok, it’s authentically me. I need to be real and this is real. God’s grace accepts us where we are, but it doesn’t leave us there, thank goodness! I’ve been inspired to action. I think it all started last year in counting His gifts with Ann Voskamp. Counting the gifts was life-changing, something actually changed in my head. Sounds crazy but it’s allowed me to almost literally look up and over the difficult circumstance of everyday life and see them as the gifts that they are. It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly, I’m learning to really live in the present, with my kids to play or just hang out and talk. Those things don’t come naturally to us all (me) when you are tired and stressed out by the demands of daily life. I hear their laughter playing outside and it brings me joy, I smell the blossoming flowers, more joy, I embrace the moment, whatever it is and see Him and slowly without even realizing it, I’m full of joy. It’s not that I never felt that joy before because I did, but it was also very hard at times and finding joy in the mundane was almost impossible. I was always in a hurry to get to the next thing, housework, dinner, “me time” or whatever it was. What a damaging perspective I had. No wonder it was hard to enjoy life. I wasn’t really present. I was always wanting to get past the present and move ahead. Anne says that God is in the present, we cannot fear what’s in it by rushing it, it is there that He is with us and growing us.
I have never been more happy being a follower of Jesus, a wife and a mom than I am now. It all comes down to His gifts, the first one being He saved me from eternal suffering and I have hope (the promise) of eternal life in Heaven with Him in glory (read John 3:16 in the Bible for more on that). Then the seemingly hard gifts that sometimes life and people will let me down or will not meet my expectations and I will never meet my own expectations, but if I trust God and that He works all things for good then I will rest in Him. In that, in Him, I think I’ve learned the secret to being happy. Oh, I’ll take 2 steps forward and hopefully only 1 step back, but it’s how He keeps us going forward that makes the difference.