He says, “no more Sketchers”, he wants the skater-type shoes, the ones that really don’t look like tennis shoes. I’m on my way to drop the two older boys off at the church to meet their dad for a men and boys Canoe Trip and he has more than one hole in his shoes. The weather is colder than it should be and rainy. I can’t let him go with holes. I run into the store, purchase the one pair there that look skaterish and we are off. All of them are men and boys standing around the mini-bus being loaded. I say my quick goodbye and mouth “I love you”. There will come a day, very soon, where I probably can’t do that in public anymore, it will come too soon.
On my way home with the two little ones, I almost forgot I had a babysitter scheduled so I could attend a meeting about new “walking to school saftey”. The district has eliminated buses for students that live within 1.5 miles of the school, I think that includes us. Oh well, there’s a purpose for everything.
On my way home from the meeting, kidless, as usually happens when there are no kids around, I can think. Really think. No noise, no hurries, just me and I’m struck with the fact that I just love these kids so much. I see only their cute face and sweet voice in my mind’s eye.
How is it that when I’m with them, I just don’t have the time to feel this to that depth. It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and more than that. I want so bad to give my kids the love and attention they need each as individuals. It’s hard sometimes, a lot actually, to take the time to spend with each one as I truly want. It’s at these times that I resolve to do better, to be intentional, to do those things that need to be done as a mom. I need moments to allow my heart to feel, to catch my breath and remember just how very deeply I love and am comitted to them, not only to them but to their father and our family.